I Wanna Cry

 I was packing my stuff from his house. Oh my, I am crying right now because of the memories. The way he provided me the house, the comfortable but not my emotionally. I love the comfort of this house. It is not that big but I am comfy with this house. Now I have to go back my parents house. Which I dont like it. 

I dont like to go to my parents house because of the messy. I have to clear up all the mess. I have to make my own room clean again. Of course I would deco my brother's room but yeah I am gonna miss this house. I kinda miss our memories of this house. Our memories the marriage, the love we had.

gosh, the healing journey is so hard. i wish i can go out this house as soon as possible. my dad has already picked up my stuff into his truck. still have a few boxes but i managed to bring it by myself home soon.

oh my, dear my ex husband I miss you but I dont want you back in my life. Never. but i had have gave you my best love to you. I realized this is my first time being cheated worst ever. How can I accept my husband having an affair and already have sex in our bed? How can I accept when I watched a video both of you having sex? How can I accept that during my marriage? No. I cannot accept this. This is the best way for me and you ex husband.

I know you have your affair now and I have no replacement yet but I want to focus on myself and not looking for someone at this moment. Maybe I need someone for sex. But you know, sex is just useless. I have to go back to the virgin version. Lol. Even I am divorced. but i would never have sex with other guy.

I am crying while typing this but i have no one to tell this. this feeling. maybe my next session with my therapist. i told my therapist that i am okay about divorced things and we had discussion about my financial. I guess, my next session would talk about my healing journey. because this feeling is not fully heal. i still miss him. maybe because of i still staying in this house. soon i will move out. i hope that is the best. i leave the city and move to another city.

i have a lots of question. i know nobody read this journal online because nobody know who i am but if somebody read this. please comment so at least i feel someone reading this. or you can email me if there is an advise..

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