Personal Journal but Nobody Cares

 I just created this blogspot today. New email. New password (I hope I remember the password in the future). Why I am creating this? I created this blog as my personal journal that nobody gonna read this. I will stay as anonymously. I would vent here, I would write a poem with broken grammar whatsoever. No judgement here. Only me know this. but if any human read this blog. I hope you give me a motivation or any comments you think it is necessary.

Today, I feel so heavy. Emptiness. I am not lost, it just I dont know what to do with my life after divorced. We divorced because my partner is cheated on me. The married not even 2 years, we already divorced because of someone else who never stopped chasing. why i have to stay in this marriage? it is not worth it. no happiness. all i got only sad. 

i wish i can move on fast but it is not that easy. we have known for each other like 8 years. but that is fine. i can cry whenever i want. cry as much as i want. it is normal. it is normal people cry. i dont have any regret of this divorced because i know myself that i deserve better. i deserver more than this. i am happy-go-lucky person. i like to make myself happy and of course surrounding myself. 

i have so much plan after divorced. but i have to wait for 3 months. or maybe i will move back to my parents. staying at home alone is good for me but at the same time it is empty. i dont know who i can talk to, unless i call my family and friends. last night, i cried. i cried because i feel like nobody cares about me. it is life right? i cant expect everyone cares about me even i care bout them so much.

honestly, i am blank. maybe because of empty, no activity to do. well, i have a thought to buy a painting number kit. or diamond painting. it is fun and focus i guess? at this moment, i just read some book but i cant focus, there is a flashback of him cheating. it is very painful but i have to learn to accept this painful, one day it will disappear i hope.